Cassie and I have both always wanted to have children, and when we met this was one of the first things we made sure we were on the same page about. As a lesbian couple, we know that this path to fertility and motherhood will need to be carefully planned and orchestrated, so before we officially begin our future fertility journey we are sharing 5 conversations we are having in preparation for motherhood. This content is sponsored as part of a collaboration with CCRM Fertility.
1. Do Your Research
It’s hard to plan for a process that you don’t understand, so we recommend starting with some simple research. There will be time in the future to fill in the exact details, but now is the time to gain an understanding of the basic process. For us, we found fertility centers themselves often have some of the best information on the details of LGBTQ+ family planning.
CCRM Fertility offers offers its patients best-in-class patient care and access to a network of award-winning physicians, a full suite of fertility services, innovative technology and cutting-edge labs.
Same-sex and transgender couples face unique fertility circumstances, and often must choose from a wide array of reproductive options. CCRM Fertility is dedicated to helping every patient who wishes to have a baby to do so with treatment options including intrauterine insemination (IUI) or in vitro fertilization (IVF) with donor sperm, egg donation and gestational carrier service. We found this lesbian family planning page on CCRM Fertility’s website to be particularly informative, and they also provide similar pages for gay and transgender couples.
We specifically focused on methods for lesbian family planning including intrauterine insemination (IUI), in vitro fertilization (IVF), and reciprocal in vitro fertilization (RIVF). Once we had a basic understanding of the methods available to us, we started diving deeper into how the process may look.
2. Discuss Which Partner Will Carry The Child
Unless both partners are perfectly aligned on the role they want to play in the pregnancy process, this conversation is one that may require quite a bit of time. Deciding if you want to carry a child is an incredibly personal decision and may require personal reflection before you are able to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner. Much to our relief, Cassie and I had exact opposite preferences in the roles we envisioned ourselves playing. While I have always been drawn to the experience of being pregnant and carrying a child, this wasn’t an experience Cassie has ever felt called to. Granted we don’t have any surprises on my end with my ability to get pregnant we will be proceeding with myself as the carrier and Cassie as the wonderful supporter throughout the process.
3. Prepare Financially
Building a family through fertility treatments is a HUGE financial undertaking, and can honestly be one of the most overwhelming realities to confront if you aren’t prepared. At this stage in the planning process it is difficult to know which method will be successful for you and what that exact cost will look like, however, fertility centers often provide cost estimates for IUI, IVF, and RIVF. We also have found resources like this video on CCRM’s website about understanding fertility treatment costs to be particularly helpful in providing details on each estimated cost along the way.
While we are still a year or two out from officially beginning our journey, we already have a joint savings account that we specifically dedicate to future fertility costs. By contributing a little each month, we will have a nice starting point when we officially begin the process. We anticipate the overall costs will exceed what we can save beforehand, so we will be taking advantage of fertility financing options that are available at most fertility clinics. Make sure you shop around and see if you can find a fertility clinic that provides financial counseling, financing plans, and special offers that work best for you. Some clinics, like CCRM Fertility, offer specials like IVF refunds and multi-cycle discounts, so it is definitely worth looking into!
4. Be Prepared to Choose A Sperm Donor
Choosing the sperm donor that will provide half of your child’s DNA is a decision that requires time and research. First and foremost, you must decide if you are using a known or anonymous donor. For us, we will be using an anonymous donor from a sperm bank, so we have spent quite a bit of time discussing what traits and qualities are important to us in a sperm donor. While ultimately this decision will need to be informed on your own genetic testing, getting on the same page with your partner on some basic details can help avoid confusion when it is time to select the donor. We have done some preliminary searches through different cryobanks just to get an idea of what the process looks like and what we can expect to pay. No decisions need to be made just yet so kick back with your partner and enjoy browsing!
5. Decide Which Fertility Method Is Right For You
While ultimately this decision will be informed by your initial blood tests and the advice of your fertility doctor, it’s a great idea to discuss what options may be right for you. Because we are under the age of 30 and have no known health conditions that affect fertility, IUI is an option we are particularly interested in. If successful, IUI is a great way to get pregnant in a more affordable way than IVF and RIVF. At this stage in the planning process it can be overwhelming to try and decide which process may offer you the best chance of success. Take a deep breath and remember that there are several different options and your doctor will be able to guide you in the future as to which method may be best for you.
Great content. Definitely have had most or all of these Conversations as well. It’s nice to be able to figure it all out beforehand as much as possible so we can be aware of any road bumps we may encounter. Great read girls !!